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Jokes - Please add yours to this topic

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Re: Jokes - Please add yours to this topic

Unread postby deltalima » November 13th, 2012, 3:37 pm

Antivirus pioneer John McAfee is wanted by the Police for murder charges.

If they catch him they estimate the trial could last 30 days...
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Re: Jokes - Please add yours to this topic

Unread postby Gary R » November 13th, 2012, 5:04 pm

Grooooooan :roll: ;)
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Re: Jokes - Please add yours to this topic

Unread postby NonSuch » November 13th, 2012, 7:04 pm

He sold his company quite some time ago. No doubt he's screwed his brain up with drugs. :roll:
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Re: Jokes - Please add yours to this topic

Unread postby Gary R » May 2nd, 2013, 10:22 am

DOG FOR SALE




A man sees a sign outside a house - 'Talking Dog For Sale.' He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden.

The man sees a very nice looking Labrador Retriever sitting there.




"Do you really talk?" he asks the dog.




"Yes," the Labrador replies.




After recovering from the shock of hearing the dog talk, the man asks, "So, tell me your story."




The Labrador looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I was sold to the SAS. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one imagined that a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years".




"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at Heathrow Airport to do some undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded several medals".




"Then I got married, had a few puppies, and now I've just retired."


The man is amazed. He goes back into the house and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog.

"Ten quid," the owner says.

"£10!!? But your dog is absolutely amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?"


"Because he's a lying ba**ard, he's never been out of the garden."
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Re: Jokes - Please add yours to this topic

Unread postby NonSuch » May 2nd, 2013, 12:22 pm

Image Image Image
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Re: Jokes - Please add yours to this topic

Unread postby Wingman » May 3rd, 2013, 8:39 am

Image
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Re: Jokes - Please add yours to this topic

Unread postby Slim Nelson » July 5th, 2013, 12:13 pm

A clearly inebriated and naked woman jumped into a taxi in New York City and laid down on the back seat.

The cab driver, an old Jewish gentleman, opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman. He made no attempt to start the cab.

The woman glared back at him and said, "What's wrong with you, honey? - Haven't you ever seen a naked woman before?"

The old Jewish driver answered, "Let me tell you sumsing, lady – I vasn't staring at you like you tink; det vould not be proper vair I come from."

The drunk woman giggled and responded, "Well, if you're not staring at my boobs or ass sweetie, what are you doing then?"

He paused for a moment, then told her..."Vell, M'am, I am looking and I am looking, and I am tinking to myself, 'Vair in da hell is dis lady keepin de money to pay for dis ride?
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Re: Jokes - Please add yours to this topic

Unread postby muppy03 » August 24th, 2013, 3:56 am

what do you call a fake noodle................................????????????????????????????




AN IMPASTA


oh my..
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Re: Jokes - Please add yours to this topic

Unread postby NonSuch » August 24th, 2013, 4:51 am

Image Image
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Re: Jokes - Please add yours to this topic

Unread postby Wingman » August 24th, 2013, 10:23 am

Oh muppy! Image

Nice to see ya!
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Re: Jokes - Please add yours to this topic

Unread postby Gary R » August 25th, 2013, 1:27 am

Hi muppy, good to see you ......... even if you should be shot for telling a joke like that. ;) :D
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Re: Jokes - Please add yours to this topic

Unread postby NonSuch » August 25th, 2013, 3:21 am

Now, Gary... you know she can't help it. Have you forgotten that she's Australian? :D :lol:
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Re: Jokes - Please add yours to this topic

Unread postby Gary R » August 25th, 2013, 6:56 am

You know I never hold people's place of habitation against them. I mean you're from California, and I never mention that, now do I ? ;) :lol:

Besides, if I mention Australia, I'd have to mention the Ashes as well, and that would look like I was crowing. ;) :lol:

No, I'm far too tactful ever to do that. :lol:
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Re: Jokes - Please add yours to this topic

Unread postby NonSuch » August 25th, 2013, 4:34 pm

Gary R wrote:You know I never hold people's place of habitation against them. I mean you're from California, and I never mention that, now do I ? ;) :lol:

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Re: Jokes - Please add yours to this topic

Unread postby Gary R » August 25th, 2013, 5:41 pm

Nice smiley :lol:

It's a good job you're not from Lancashire or you'd need a truck load of them. ;) :D
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