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Jokes - Please add yours to this topic

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Re: Jokes - Please add yours to this topic

Unread postby Wingman » September 11th, 2008, 9:48 am

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Re: Jokes - Please add yours to this topic

Unread postby chryssi2001 » September 11th, 2008, 10:18 am

:lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: Jokes - Please add yours to this topic

Unread postby Wingman » September 11th, 2008, 4:13 pm

According to a news report, a certain private school in Victoria,
BC recently was faced with a unique problem.

A number of grade 12 girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.
She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.

Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
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Re: Jokes - Please add yours to this topic

Unread postby chryssi2001 » September 12th, 2008, 1:49 am

haha very drastic step, but final! ;)
Clever principal :)
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Re: Jokes - Please add yours to this topic

Unread postby Odd dude » September 14th, 2008, 4:13 pm

Good one :D
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Re: Jokes - Please add yours to this topic

Unread postby MikeSwim07 » September 14th, 2008, 5:25 pm

Nice!
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Re: Jokes - Please add yours to this topic

Unread postby Wingman » September 15th, 2008, 9:41 am

A tourist is picked up by a cabbie in New York on a dark night.
The passenger taps the driver on the shoulder to ask him something.

The driver screams, loses control of the car, nearly hits a bus, drives up on the sidewalk, and stops inches from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look friend, don't EVER do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"

The passenger apologizes and says he didn't realize that a "little tap" could scare him so much.
The driver, after gathering himself together replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault.

Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving hearses for the last 25 years!
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Re: Jokes - Please add yours to this topic

Unread postby chryssi2001 » September 15th, 2008, 11:41 am

:lol: :lol: Nice one, i didn't know the word hearses but google helped as always :lol:
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Re: Jokes - Please add yours to this topic

Unread postby blackmirror » September 15th, 2008, 1:34 pm

What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?



You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

:lol:
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Re: Jokes - Please add yours to this topic

Unread postby arie » September 15th, 2008, 1:45 pm

Ok, here is another one:

A mother goes to her son's flat for a meal,his flat mate,Becky is very attractive and mother wonders if there's anything between her and her son,but doesn't like to ask.
A few days later and Becky finds that the frying pan is missing,so the son writes to his mother.
Dear mother i'm not saying you did take the frying pan and i'm not saying you didn't take the frying pan,but since your visit Becky can't find it. Mother replies:-
Dear Son im not saying you are sleeping with Becky and i'm not saying you're not but if she'd slept in her own bed she'd have found it!

Have fun!
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Re: Jokes - Please add yours to this topic

Unread postby arie » September 20th, 2008, 7:26 pm

Pride and Joy!!

Four friends reunited at a party after 30 years. After a few laughs and drinks, one of them had to go to the rest room. The ones who stayed behind began to talk about their kids and their successes.

The first guy says: I am very proud of my son, he is my pride and joy. He started working at a very successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration soon he was promoted and began to climb the corporate ladder becoming the General Manager and now he is the President of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes Benz for his birthday.

The second guy says: Damn, that's terrific!! My son is also my pride and joy, I am very proud of him. He started working at a travelling Agency for a very big airline. He went to flight school to become a pilot and also manage to become a partner in the company where he now owns the majority of the assets. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.

The third guy says: Well, well, well congratulations!! My son is also my pride and joy and he is also very rich. He studied in the best universities and became an Engineer. He started his own construction company and became very successful and a multimillionaire. He also gave away some thing very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday. He built a 30,000 sq ft mansion specially for his friend.

The three friends congratulated each other mutually for the successes of theirs sons.

The forth friend who earlier had gone to restroom returned and asked:
What's going on, what are all the congratulations for?

One of the three said: We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. And then he asked, What about your son?

The forth man replied: My son is Gay and he makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub. The three friends said: What a shame that
must be, that is horrible, what a disappointment you must feel.

The forth man replied: No, I am not ashamed. Not at all. He is my son and I love him just as well, he is my pride and joy. And he is very
lucky too. Did you know that his birthday just passed and the other day he received a beautiful 30,000 sq ft mansion, a brand new jet and a
top of the line Mercedes Benz from his three boyfriends.
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Re: Jokes - Please add yours to this topic

Unread postby chryssi2001 » September 21st, 2008, 1:55 am

:lol: :lol:
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Re: Jokes - Please add yours to this topic

Unread postby arie » September 21st, 2008, 11:07 am

The Blind Man!


Nun in a bath, knock on the door - "Who is it?"says the nun.
"It's the blind man" comes as answer.
"Oh that's ok then, come in", says the nun.
The man comes in - "nice boobs, where do you want the blinds?"

Have fun!
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Re: Jokes - Please add yours to this topic

Unread postby blackmirror » September 24th, 2008, 6:30 am

Fun things to do in an internet cafe :lol:

Hold mouse up to ear like a cell phone and yell "I can't hear you!!! You're going to have to speak louder!"

Play Pac Man and state to person next to you, "These new games are incredible!"

Practice 'spinning mouse mat on index finger' globe trotter routine.

Put your monitor's contrast and brightness on full. With wide open eyes yell "It's going to implode!"

Tell the cashier you wish to redeem your free 1000 hours and hand him a bag full of collected AOL promo CD's.

Typing hard and loudly looking behind you yell, "STOP MAKING ME TYPE THIS - IT WILL ONLY MAKE THINGS WORSE!"

Sit at the web terminal... without a chair.

Wheel your leather executive chair into Internet cafe and up to the computer with the largest monitor. Sit down, turn to the person next to you handing them a stack of papers, "Get these photocopied right away, the president wants them by end of day."

Casually look around the room for people in chat rooms, log into the same chat room and after a brief and somewhat disturbing conversation state "Your blue jeans go well with your white shirt."

Use computer's speakers to play collection of Sesame Street MP3's.

Dress up in ragged and worn clothes. Walk into an Internet cafe that uses Windows with squeegee and bucket, begin to squeegee monitors for spare change.

Draw two red lines on either end of the floor with a marker, recruit other interested racers and rev up your wheelie chairs.

Turn off the lights and have a Star Wars light sabre moment with your optical mouse. (Darth Vader sounds are encouraged for extra fun).

Show up in hand cuffs and gagged mouth. Use foot to navigate mouse and visit 'escaped fugitives guide' web site.

Put 1.44 disk in drive and have person next to you do the same. Place bets and EJECT - furthest disk is the winner!

In the middle of writing an email, turn monitor off and sigh "Ahhh not again!!!", turn monitor back on and utter "Oh thank goodness!". Repeat until you see concerned faces.
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Re: Jokes - Please add yours to this topic

Unread postby blackmirror » September 25th, 2008, 2:11 pm

He didn't like the casserole

And he didn't like my cake.

My biscuits were too hard...

Not like his mother used to make.



I didn't perk the coffee right

He didn't like the stew,

I didn't mend his socks

The way his mother used to do.



I pondered for an answer

I was looking for a clue.

Then I turned around and smacked him...



Like his Mother used to do.
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